It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. I don't think the person that said that understood much about loss. Lost love is a bitch. Maybe it's just that love is a bitch. That image of love that you learn about as a little girl is more bullshit than it's possible to swallow. I don't mean to say that I don't believe in love or that love is some kind of made up thing that we all learn about as children but can never really experience. I mean that love is work. Love takes effort. Love is painful and messy and challenging. That effortless fairytale love that you learn about as a kid is exactly that, a fairytale.
I have loved many people in my life. Most of those people, by God's grace and blessing, remain a part of my life. There have only been a couple that I have truly lost. But that doesn't mean that I don't suffer over the loss of love. I sometimes wonder what my fate is with regard to love. Am I destined to spend the rest of my life searching for the kind of love that lasts a lifetime? Is there even such a thing? It seems to me that whenever you hear about lasting love, it ends tragically. Romeo and Juliet. Anthony and Cleopatra. The Bronte sisters wrote about that tragic kind of love.
My parents loved each other once but they didn't last. My ex-wife and I loved each other and that ended too. In my most recent days, I let go of someone out of love and now that is over as well. For me, when love ends, the pain that's left behind is an aching place that heals ever so slowly. Then, that part of my heart, that I gave so willingly, becomes a scarred place full of memories that forever belongs to the lost. How many times can a heart heal and scab over before it loses it's capacity to love again? I wonder.
I learned a long time ago that humans are not solitary creatures. We are meant to bond and live out our lives in concert with another. If this is true, then there is someone out there for all of us, for me too. I hope my heart maintains it's capacity for open, unconditional, honest, messy, tragic, unexplainable, beautiful, magical, wonderful love. I live in the hope that I will someday find that love which last through my lifetime.
1 comment:
I believe in love. I think it is out there somewhere but I don't think it is waiting. I can relate to your blog, I only think the person who said it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all meant that to never know love at all would be worse. Even after all of the heart ache, when you are in the middle of love it is wonderful you are lighter than air and the world is a wonderful place to be. And then it's over. (B'jork-love her). After the pain and trying to learn what ever lesson there may have been I have to find some type of balance. (Still trying to find that balance I know I am not much helps but know that you are not alone. There is a group of us.)
Enjoy your birthday Jess’s road trip sounds like a plan. Live life for yourself and find your happiness. That is what I am trying to do.
Health Wealth and Happiness
~Cheryl
Post a Comment