FINDING MY CRADLE - for the TKIDZ

Part I
The call came
January 10th, 2002
I was at my desk

3 brown little ones needed a cradle

To rock them
and
Soothe them

Nurture them
and
Protect them

Educate them
and
Encourage them

Raise them
and
Love them

They needed a cradle

I had little experience with cradles myself

But I was willing to learn

And

I shared my task
with one who knew cradles
much better than I.

Originally,
we’d said we’d only take in one brown child

We had to take them all

Into our home
Into our lives
Into our hearts

Part II
When they brought them to the door
They were
Fuzzy
Out of focus
I could
Barely see
Where one of my little people began
And the next one ended.

Neglect clung to them
Shadow in a badly taken photo
Obscuring their personalities
But
Their spirits shone like angels
In spite of their past

They were my little people from that first moment.

We fed them
And
Clothed them

In hugs
and
In kisses

In attention
and
In care

The shadow subsided
And
They came rapidly into focus.

I became hazy in return.

I didn’t know how long they would stay
I didn’t know how much I might have to endure
If
They went home to their mother

In a gesture of hope,
We embraced her too
Hopeful
At least
If they had to leave
We might still have some
impact on their lives

Instead

She made a loving mother’s sacrifice
And
Gave them to us to cradle

Part III
As much as I knew
I would have died for them
(As the cliché goes)
I couldn’t bring myself to hold onto them

Not too tightly anyway

They might have had to go
And
Take my heart with them

I figured
Once we got the word they would be staying
I would begin to feel my cradle.

The day
came
and
went

No cradle.

“I’ll feel it once the papers are filed.”
“I will surely find my cradle then!”

Didn’t happen.

I knew how to defend, protect and pull all the punches
To play the ‘Mama Bear”
And
Give my children a voice in the noisiest of rooms

But

I was afraid to love them too much.

Afraid to cradle them to close.

Part IV
I struck another bargain

“The cradle will come when I see my name on the papers
I know it! Then I’ll find it.”

The papers came on Wednesday, November 17th, 2004.

I saw my name on the pages
Along with theirs

I did feel differently
But
Not in the way I expected.

Quietly I realized

I had been a cradle all along

Not the same as they left behind
Nor the same as they received from others

But

A cradle none the less

Now I know my cradle and
I am no longer afraid.